Why a blog?

Fall, 2008

On July 18, 2010, I  lost one of the most important people in my life to colon cancer. My husband Chris was 45 when he was diagnosed with the disease, and 47 when he died.

His cancer very likely started growing when he was around 41. As it was explained to me, it was of an evil, slow growing variety that wouldn’t have shown itself with symptoms until the battle was raging. Had he been old enough for a colonoscopy, this story would have been very different. But the current recommendation for the procedure is age 50, and it’s actually a good one. Less than 3 percent of all colon cancer cases occur before than age. Chris’s family had no history of colon cancer, and he had no reason to suspect he might be developing it.

Chris was a great guy. He was complicated, he was molested in his family of origin from a  from very young age. He was an addict, which is a common story, abuse survivors often self-medicate. He was a father, and this was probably his favorite role. Each of our children were delightful to him, he loved every aspect of bringing up children. He was brilliant, acquiring many degrees and educational honors. He was very caring, and had friends of all varieties.

He was my husband, and best male friend.  Even now, that’s about all I can say about that without crying like a baby.

Most importantly, he was a Christian. He fought terrible internal battles because of his issues, and like King David of old, wanted very much to be a man after God’s own heart.

I started this blog nearly a year ago, and one of the very best, most heartfelt and satisfying things that has happened is that ten of you have had told me that you have had a colonoscopy because of it, and three of you have spotted early, stage 1 cancers. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing that with me. I am delighted that this is one monster you’ll keep at bay.

Some of the most difficult choices I have had to make after Chris died involve control. What kind of control did I still have over our lives, over the direction of the children’s’ lives, over my own direction and destiny?

The answer today seems to be- very little. Life is fragile, and we are foolish to think that we can escape the planet alive. The other answer is- a great deal. We can control who we trust, love, see or help. We can control what we do- curl up into a fetal position and pull the covers up, or go out and find someone else to help.

This blog is an exercise in control for me. Finding things for you to read that are interesting, funny, shocking, different, sad, exuberant or out of the box is quite a challenge. Packaging them in a 500 to 1000 word essay is a lot of fun. Some of them are lame, and some are actually pretty good.

At any rate, it makes me smile to think of you reading these things, and for that I thank you.

Much love,


12 thoughts on “Why a blog?

  1. Your blog caught my eye…I am sorry for your loss. We are having tests done for my husband at the moment, and frankly, I’m scared to death. But I do have the Lord with me to help me, so that helps.

    I really enjoy your writing…


    • Dear Bird, Write or post any time, dear girl. Here’s the thing, there are tens of thousands of cases diagnosed every year, and EVERY SINGLE ONE is different. Your husband’s will not be the same as mine.
      Take a deep breath, sit on the Lord’s lap, write when you need to and stoke your own fire for energy for this journey. Write me anytime.



  2. Godly women. My morning begain with Bird story and now I am here captured by the walk of an extra-ordinary Godly woman. May our sovereign Lord and God pour you joy in times of shadows, love in times of loneliness, wisdom in times of doubts and above all peace that goes beyond understandings.

    In Christ,


    • Thank you so much, Prayson. I am delighted to have found your blog. God is good, even in times of brokenheartedness. I never thought anything good would EVER come out of cancer, but to peek into the heart of a God that is as broken up as I was is truly precious. I’ll be seeing you on your site!



  3. Victoria, Thank you for dropping by my blog. I am now a followers of yours. I will be back to read more, but the little I have read has me very curious in your thoughts. You make me think about God and that is a good thing. My brain tumor and subsequent surgery had such an impact on me that I have had a hard time with anything related to God. In 10 days I begin facilitating a study by Margaret Feinberg called Wonderstruck and really hoping all of us sense a newness (me especially) toward the Lord.


    • Alesia, I think your blog is delightful. I would like to continue to read more about you and Luke. Under what category is your brain tumor, dear heart? I would like to read more about that too.


      • Mixed genre. It is very raw so beware there is colorful language. I am still working through the lasting impacts left behind on my brain. Thank you for reading. It brings a smile to my face and those I need.


  4. Happy Anniversary and am so glad that the couple got such a wonderful gift, a bronze statue of Zenyatta. May the couple have many more anniversaries. You are such a pretty lady Zenyatta, even as a bronze statue! Love you lots sweetie! Thanks for being there for me each and every day!


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