Top Ten Things Your Grieving Friends Don’t Want to Hear

Hello, friends. A lovely spread of Emily Berkeley just appeared in this month’s issue of Parachutist magazine. If you know a skydiver,get the magazine,  grab the back cover and rip it off, it is not to be missed. Many of my friends who have experienced such a terrible loss often chat about how bizarre our friends can be sometimes, as much as we love you.

I thought I would take a break for a minute and see if you like this one. I wrote it in February, when life was still a haze.


Verbal Burbles
You Can Hit Your Friends or Love them in Spite of It

I sent the edgier version of this to Kiwi Hamilton and got a grin. Drop me a line if you want to see the uncensored version.
1. He’s in a better place.
(Not from my point of view.)
2. It’s better that he’s not suffering.
(No one is better of dead.)
3. Your life must be soooooooo hard with all those children.
(Actually, they are pretty good company.)
4. It makes me soooooo sad to think of your fatherless kids.
(Golly, thanks for the reminder.)
5. I juuuust don’t see how you do it.
6. I admire you soooo much.
(Oh, gag. Like I asked for this.)
7. God is in control.
(Actually, if He planned this then he’s a bastard and I’m a fool for following
Him. I happen to know he weeps with me.)
8. It makes me sad to think of you all alone.
(Better off than with bad company!)
9. You look so good!
(Compared to what?)

And, number 10, my all time favorite:

10. So, Call Me If You Need Anything. Really, Anything At All.

Wait, I can barely think enough to tie my shoes, feed the kids and dogs, go to work, and  you want me to do you thinking for you? Buy me a Starbucks, text me your love, bring me a dinner, give me a hug, talk about my loss without crying, hold my hand, and you will have my loyalty and friendship forever. But don’t ask me to pick up the phone and do your thinking for you. Please.

Again, I love you all dearly, and truly, who knows what to say at a time like this?  No one holds anything against you, and in the big picture, we know you mean well.


Much love,



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